My Changing Behavior

So, judging from my title I assume most of you are curious as to how I have been acting obnoxious. As I have mentioned before, since moving out here to Arizona I have had a behavior shift from Nice guy, well....kind of nice guy, to almost complete asshole. I have become someone who does not censor and doesn't hold anything back and I am not proud of that....well, I'm a little proud. If you knew me really at all back in Athens you knew that I had a tendency to kind of wear my emotions right out there on my sleeve, but now lets just say that I don't have any sleeves anymore. I am cased in armor that I thought would never be cracked, by anyone or anybody. I held everything in keeping everyone at a distance no matter how much I may have cared for them. My armor...thats all I needed since I have been in Arizona. That may be one of the reasons why I haven't made many friends down here and why some people seem to be, well...scared of me. I can kind of see that...6' 4", 250 lbs., practically no hair left, and one of the whitest people on the planet...honestly I'm a little scared of myself when I look in the mirror. If only I had a cool scar on my face that would seal the deal. Everybody here already thinks that I am in the mob so that helps. Anyway, it was like I refused to let anyone get close to me. I even started distancing myself from everyone back home that I had known for years. I don't even know why, but I did and it should have been killing me, but I had my armor so I felt nothing. That was until a couple of weeks ago when my so called "armor" was cracked. Not just a little crack either, I'm talking like a huge gash. Like I was hit with.......a bus. Theres no stopping that, no matter how hard I tried. You get hit with a "bus" and your going down. And as much as it hurts I welcome the change with open arms. It truly is amazing what a single person can do for you. That whole "life changing" experience can actually happen. I don't lknow if it was for better or for worse yet, but only time can tell that. And don't get me wrong...my armor may be cracked and fading, but the cynical asshole will always remain. That has become a part of me and who I am. Hopefully that part will be a little more....careful with what it says so I don't frighten people away anymore. I just hope that now that my armor is cracked that I won't get hit by another bus cause I don't know if I will be able to make it through another one. I do still blame Phoenix for changing me though. As one of my friends from Athens has pointed out it changed me for the better, but at the same time another part of me was getting worse. I guess that an exchange that had to happen. So when I see everyone again in August, expect someone a little different than before...In more ways than one. Oh, and by the way.....I still enjoy kool-Aid...That will never change...ever.